only you would photoshop your dick
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Randomize
