so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
