you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
