I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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