i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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