I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just pee around me
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
