I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
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