i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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