She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
