Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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