Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
