You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
