just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
