fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
