with your own penis?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
