He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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