How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
