I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
In America we eat man semen.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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