Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
