I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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