Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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