Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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