New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
