drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
