i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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