you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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