3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
