My liver just broke up with me...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
