are you still at the devil's house?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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