I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
