i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
