Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
not ubering you a puppy
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
