You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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