piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
