I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
No more Irish car bombs ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
