Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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