dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
