We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
