I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
