I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize