It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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