he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
