is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
