you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
