You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
