Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
