This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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