I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
