mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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