I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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