I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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