i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
