If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
