I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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