official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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