Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
