You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
