Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
