no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
