You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
