But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
