Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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