Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
