True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
